When the news get too depressing these are the books to read.

Now, where can one find happiness? Always a good place to start is: anywhere a good, sound couple of laughs wash away the alternative, of course. And each of the Tricky Headlines eBooks holds hundreds and hundreds of laughs for the having. Here you can enjoy the hilarious, definitely not politically correct (PC) quips, comments, and invariably irreverent observations of/by S D Rodrian on today's news headlines collected in this ever continuing series of books intended most especially of all for the latest eReaders out there (each & every available tablet, computer, and iPhone you can buy).

In a world of serious, sad, and even quite tragic circumstances (a world in which about the greatest need is & always will remain the need for laughter), humor always is the point of departure here... ever the abiding goal of these forthright takes on today's so very truly tricky headlines.

S D Rodrian

[Below you can read some of their contents.]

Latter-Day-Musings / S D Rodrian
Barnes And Noble  KOBO eBooks

Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Kobo  Lulu

Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Kobo  Lulu

Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Kobo  Lulu

Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Kobo  Lulu

Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
eBook Image

Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list. eBook Image

What, you want to get bogged down in some inane novel written by a tiresome pointless novelist, or you wanna laugh at the stupidity of Man?

[You may preview these eBooks at Amazon.com]

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       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at The KOBO Store.

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       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at Barnes & Noble.

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  "Remember: If you don't want me to quip
    about you, just stay out of the headlines!
"

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Neanderthals may have invented jewelry

I know a lot of it out there looks it.

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Book Filled With Blank Pages Tops Amazon's Best Seller List

I suppose sooner or later readers would have to start realizing that with today's so-called writers it's all the same what words are on the page--or whether there's even any words there at all, yes.

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King Kong Statue Suddenly Bursts Into Flames At Movie Premiere

"Damn it all to hell!" Movie's producer was heard screaming: "Why couldn't we've put that in the movie?!"

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Hold On! Wind Lifts Little Girl Completely Off The Ground In Front Yard

Parents considering changing her name from Dorothy. [As well as her dog's from Toto too.]

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The mystery of Donald Trump and the New Jersey cemetery

Oh? Have they found the grave from which Donald Trump burst forth on that dark and evil night?

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Watch the ‘miracle on Market Street’: Good Samaritans whisk woman, 89, from path of onrushing train

Watch 89-year-old woman chasing them down the street afterwards whacking'em with her umbrella

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How The Racist Backlash To Obama Gave Us Trump

Gotta be the same racist backlash that elected Obama (or there are a lot of voters in this country who aren't racist and only vote when our candidates win).

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Over 150 Civil Rights Groups Call On Trump To Denounce Hate Crimes

Trump decides to denounce civil rights instead. [from the bestseller Dude, What He Does (not what he sez) Is What He Sez]

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Trump Nominates FDA Head With Deep Ties To Drug Companies

Wonder if that's an euphemism for "his connection" ...

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Hawaii-Bound Flight Diverted Because Man Was Upset Over A Blanket

Why didn't they just jank the damn blanket out from under that poor guy? [Maybe he's allergic to wool.]

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Gunman Robs Blood Bank, Tells Staff He's Hungry

Grabbed so much stock that he had to call a taxi to make his getaway instead of flittering off into the night.

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Paul Ryan Seems Excited To Kick People Off Medicaid

Hey, if the people on Medicaid don't get excited about kicking Paul Ryan off Congress they've got nobody but themselves to blame.

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Your best running days are ahead of you

Cops got a tip on where you live?

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I’m often asked, ‘What are you?’

As there is never a good reply to answering: "Why do you want to know?" [except the silly: "Just curious."] Ask them back: "What's your social security number?" [And when, to that, they ask you: "Why do you want to know?" Answer: "Just curious."]

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Many in this county are poor, sick, and voted for Trump. What will happen to their health care?

They can smoke it. Trump's providing the fire. [Obamacare is what they HAVE, and anyone stupid enough to trade what he HAS for a promise deserves to end up with nothing.] Not all magic beans are magic.

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George W. Bush’s best-selling book of paintings shows curiosity and compassion

In addition to, in buyers of his book, surprise when they find out that "George W. Bush" is not the name of an orangutan they were sure had been painting them things over at the zoo).

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I Voted To Make America Great Again. But Not At The Cost Of American Lives.

Well, then you should've written that on your damn ballot!

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Blizzard checklist: How to prepare your home for the impending snow

1) Make sure your insurance is paid up

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What I gained and lost from being off Twitter

GAINED: Didn't have to listen to Donald Trump's insanity

LOST: Couldn't find anything out there as entertaining as Donald Trump's insanity

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What's Holding Arab Women Back From Achieving Equality?

You might start with the fact that Islam demands that social progress stop at the 4th century.

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Abolish the National Endowment for the Arts sez George F. Will

And I agree: This country don't need no opera, ballet, or those stupid philharmonias nobody pays to see. What this country needs is more whorehouses & nudie shows, which are what real Americans are more than glad to pay to see! [Then instead of subsidizing it we'd actually make some cash taxing the art of the whore.]

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Miami lawyer whose pants caught on fire during arson trial may be off the case

"I know lawyers are expected to lie,' the judge explained, "but even a child could see through him!"

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Sci-Fi Author Nnedi Okorafor Says Publishers Whitewashed Her Book Cover

Was it the hardcover of her novel Moby Dick Through The Wringer?

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4 Ways The Republican Health Care Plan Uniquely Screws Older People

1) every whichway, plus those other 3

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Cherokee Nation Members Troubled By Trump’s Visit To Andrew Jackson’s Tomb

Then they must got it good if that's all they're troubled by. [sic.]

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Trumpcare Raids Medicare To Enrich The Wealthy And Plant A Bomb

They knew they were voting in the billionaires--How they imagined these guys became billionaires, by dedicating themselves to helping out the poor and the unfortunates out there?! Please! [In a democracy the voters always get what they ask for.] Enjoy! And shut the hell up.

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'100 Percent OJ' Probably Isn't As Natural As You Think

There's talk he paid a bum who looks like him to impersonate him right after he killed all those people. [And is now living in a golf course down in Florida.]

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John McCain: Rand Paul Is 'Now Working For Vladimir Putin'

What finally gave it away was when Paul bought that gallon of deadly nerve toxin over at The Home Depot.

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Mark Cuban Nails Why Trump Is Losing Control Of The White House

Because a lot of the people there work for the government and not for Trump? [And they don't feel like going to prison just for the privilege of following some illegal crazy Trump directive.]

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Student Carrying Rifle, Handguns And Grenades Arrested

Now, now. Don't jump to all kinds of conclusions. There could be a perfectly innocent explanation for his packing all that, you know. [Could've been he was going to the movies.]

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Jack Nicklaus shoots six strokes below his age

Isn't he like 150, though?

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Three young boys kick and stone a flamingo to death at Czech zoo

Well, what else are three young boys going to do with a flamingo--stare at it? [Yes, that's why we have cops: To look after our boys.]

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The Weather Service made a poor decision in overplaying nor’easter snow predictions

Don't worry: Trump will vouch for their predictions in the future--Everybody knows he wouldn't lie.

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Anxiety, fear, uncertainty mark federal employees awaiting Trump’s budget

"Ah, reminds me of my working days (before I retired)."

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Republicans’ Obamacare replacement would cut $337 billion from the budget. Here’s who’d pay for it.

1) whomever is NOT paying $337 billion now

24 Million Fewer Could Receive Coverage

Feel this: "If you don't vote, you don't matter," [from the GOP Bible For The Blind]

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A legendary one-eyed Spanish bullfighter is gored yet again. He has escaped death nearly too many times to count.

"Don't worry: Next time his assistant will scream out how far the bull is in inches instead of feet."

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White House Budget Director: We Can't Ask Single Moms To Pay For PBS

"Poor bitches are already stretched out paying for aircraft carriers & Trump vacations at Mar-a-Lago, for Heaven's sakes!"

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Meals on Wheels is ‘not showing any results’ only if you ignore all these results

Yeah, sure it feeds the invalid and old people. But how much profit is it actually making? [from the bestseller Those Who Cannot See The Light, Let Them Live In The Darkness ... also the motto for Trump Flashlights]

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D.C. Whole Foods closes for renovation after problem with rodents

They shudda known: Rats always want more money.

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Senior Trump Advisor Thinks Muslims 'By And Large' Want To 'Subjugate' Non-Muslims

No they don't: Only those Muslims who respect the Koran as the guide to their lives.

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House Passes Bill To Help Vets With Mental Illness Buy Guns

Does your heart good to see somebody finally helping out these guys.

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Stephen Hawking announces $100 million hunt for alien life

That's the trouble with being stuck in a wheelchair: You can't go out & spend your money, so it piles up & piles up until you have to start thinking of crazy ways to just get rid of it.

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The Best Argument For Saving Public Media Was Made By Mr. Rogers In 1969

"You really think I could make this kinda money working at my old crossing guard job?"

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A new reason we haven’t found alien life in the universe

1) all the life in it is native to the place

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Texas Is Considering A Bill That Could Let Science Instructors Teach Creationism

As long as we're going to teach our kids that we live in a magical world created by the gods, I think we should at least teach them that it was our own native-born Greco-Roman gods, not some foreign middle eastern immigrant gods.

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How labeling my organization a hate group shuts down public debate

By the founder of The Greatest Global Hate Group Inc.

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Trump Voter Shocked To Find That Her Meals On Wheels Could Be Cut

Those Who Believe A Liar Have No One But Themselves To Blame. [The epitaph Donald Trump has picked for his tombstone on Mars.]

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Hero Cat Pounds On Door, Saves Owners From Carbon Monoxide Poisoning

"Frankly," said the cat afterwards, "If they'd just left a #%@ window open somewhere they'd been on their #%@ own in there."

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What will it take for Trump to retract his tweets about Obama?

Forget it: He cannot. You're asking the guy who thinks he's Napoleon to just stop thinking he's Napoleon. It doesn't work that way. Even years of psychological therapy more often than not fails miserably to do it. [Could try odd years.] Just tell him Obama's confessed and slip him a Cosby in a glass of warm milk when he gets too hopped up over this matter. [What I can't understand is why Trump doesn't settle the matter by just telling the FBI that he personally saw Obama inside Trump Tower setting up those wiretaps?!? It'd be no crazier than all the other stuff he's been going on about.]

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Harvard Scientists Say Aliens May Be Using Giant Radio Beams To Travel The Cosmos

Propose we also build a giant radio beam transmitter ourselves to blow them back towards wherever the hell they're coming from.

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Paris airport attacker previously suspected of ‘Islamist radicalism’

The good news: They no longer have to be bothered by those suspicions.

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These temporary tattoos turn you into a temporary cyborg

With the added benefit of making airport security pull you aside for an extra couple of hours of temporary fun.

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A father went to the hospital with stomach pain. He left without his hands and feet.

Doctors say he kept walking in and pointing to where it hurt. Problem solved.

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Brazil's president: meat scandal is 'economic embarrassment'

It's nobody's fault but theirs for wearing all those revealing tight-fitting pants. Small wonder it's costing their gigolos money.

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Immigrants increasingly flowing across US border into Canada

Yet another sign that the California drought is finally lifting.

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Sturgeon urges Scottish parliament to back referendum call

Does not say whether this is just a children's tale gone bad or one more of today's very fishy political stories.

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Appeals Court Rules Skim Milk Can Be Called 'Skim Milk'

Therefore it will no longer be required that it be called 'Skim Milk' (or 'Skim Milk' either).

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Trump Signs Bill Authorizing NASA Funding, Mars Exploration

Starve the children, the old, and the infirm but Pharaoh's pyramid must go up! [from the bestseller The More Things Change The More People Get Screwed]

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Duterte Opposes Gay Marriage in Philippines, Reversing Campaign Pledge

Sez he's been having to attend too many friends' weddings.

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Trump has no idea how to grow vegetables

That explains his kids, yes.

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White House installs political aides at Cabinet agencies to monitor loyalty

That's it then: Once the Gestapo is deployed, that's the end of the Brown Shirts! ["Sorry, guys."]

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A City Filled With Awful Secrets About Boko Haram: "In Maiduguri, Nigeria, former fighters and child captives blend into the urban tapestry, a place where nearly everyone has been a victim, a collaborator — or both."

Ah, a peek at what the world will look like once it all converts to The Religion of Peace!

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Patients Lose Sight After Stem Cells Are Injected Into Their Eyes

No, doctor. Look: It sez "DON'T inject stem cells into their eyes." ["Yeah. Yeah. That makes more sense."]

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Hillary Clinton Hints She’s Ready to Step Back Into the Light

Erich von Stroheim must be working wonders with sunblock these days on Norma Desmond. ["Ready when you are, Mr. DeMille!"]

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Kristof: ‘That Food Saved My Life.’ Trump Wants to Cut It.

Guy, your life is chicken stools to Trump. Your argument is trumped even before it's out'yo'mouth.

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Trump Says He And Merkel 'Have Something In Common' On Wiretapping

This an euphemism for "we're a couple of peeping toms," right?

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Three U.S. Troops Wounded After Afghan Soldier Opens Fire

Them's the risks one runs teaching moderate Muslims to kill less moderate ones: In Islam moderation is always a diminishing commodity.

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San Diego Brewery Makes Beer From Treated Sewage Water

Apparently bottling untreated sewage water & selling it as beer has run its course. ["Now where am I gonna buy mine?"]

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Haunting Photos Show Polar Bears In Captivity Around The World

"We would have photographed bears out on the loose in the wild, but frankly they run a lot faster'n us."

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In Sickness And (For The Wealthy) In Health

Isn't that the way it should be? I mean, what's the poor got to live for? [from the bestseller GOP Wisdom For Those Who Were Unaware Of It]

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Zoo Sues Studio For Traumatizing Raccoon Used In 'Erotic' Ad

Claim the poor animal now keeps trying to have sex with people instead of with other racoons. [from the bestseller This Is Why I Kick The Dog Out When I Boink The Wife]

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Florida Toddler Fires Gun Out Of Car Window Outside School, Woman Arrested

"I had to hold the gun for him," she told the judge: "He's too young to do it by himself!"

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Burger King Vows To Stop Buying Chickens From Animal Abusers

But finding it hard to find a conscientious mass murderer of chickens.

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World's First Fluorescent Frog Discovered

Kid who had it in a shoe box sez his having gotten a fluorescent paint kit last Christmas is a total & complete coincidence.

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Family Doctor Raps Safe Sex Message For Seniors

Sez they'll be dead soon anyway, so why not let'em go out hog wild.

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Congress Votes To Kill Protections For Wolves And Bears On Alaska Refuges

What can ya say: This is a bad time all around for every kind of refugee out there.

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Woody Harrelson Is Not Smoking Weed Anymore

Claims people knew him only as "the weed killer" at the same time he was trying to promote himself as "gorgeous dude."

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Here Are Some People Who Should NOT Run For President

Oh great! Another one of those deadly accurate predictions on who's gonna be our next president!

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Sean Hannity Once Had Very Different Feelings About FBI Probes

Apparently back in the day their probes were much fatter and vibrated a lot harder. Or so he claims.

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Pastor Claims Anointed Cake Stopped A Guy From Being Gay

"This guy got up and started dancing by himself, so I took the bless-ed cake & broke it over his damn head. Mission accomplished."

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Kushner Family Wants To Erect A Skyscraper That Looks Just Like A Penis

It's nice to see a family that is proud of their traditions.

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Neil deGrasse Tyson: Trump's Budget Will Make America Weak, Sick & Stupid

On the plus side: Isn't that what it was back when America was Great?

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Why members of Congress aren’t very worried about Trump taking them out

Because even though Trump never picks up the check he usually only takes them out to Kentucky Fried Chicken or some other cheap joint like that.

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China Is Not Militarizing South China Sea, Premier Li Says

Claims the missile batteries there are strictly for agricultural purposes.

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Ivanka Trump’s West Wing job isn’t just unethical. It’s also dangerous.

I wonder why?!? Isn't the US a subsidiary of Trump Inc. now?

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Will add more later. SDR

Buy the books: Each has hundreds & hundreds more...

[Thousands and thousands if you get the entire set.]

These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.

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DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
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PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
S D Rodrian

* NO mucus, please.

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SUNDRY OTHER S D Rodrian NOTES:

The Rules of Life
http://thesolutionisthis.com
The Stories and Poems of S D Rodrian
LATTER-DAY MUSINGS
.
Copyright Notice: Please note that none of the materials in this website are in the Public Domain, so please do not reproduce any of it without the proper permissions from the Copyright holder: S D Rodrian

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